How do I network without feeling fake or salesy?

Tim Castle
24 minutes ago
3 min read

The way to network without feeling salesy or fake is to focus on asking questions about the other person's hobbies and interests. When you meet someone new don’t ask “what do you do?” instead ask “what do you do outside of work?” or “what do you do for fun?”.

Studies have shown that the more diverse areas of connection we can find, the quicker and deeper relationships form. This is the crux of effective networking.

There’s no need to feel awkward when networking. You have value to offer. Effective networking is about making higher quality connections, this means getting to know someone for their passions and interests. It’s about going ‘off script’ and finding commonalities and shared interests.

This makes sense, one its way more interesting than having the standardised non-memorable talk track that you can churn out on autopilot and two you are more likely to find genuine connection and intellectually stimulating conversation.

As my friend and global speaker Maz Farrelly says “it's not my job to be interesting, its your job to be interesting”.

Finding commonalities is also important - the quicker you can find out that you went to the same University or played rugby at the same academy growing up or have lived in the same country to deeper and closer you will feel.

The art of networking and how you make every interaction more effective is to do this at speed. Ask open ended questions that broaden your understanding of who this person is. You expand the surface area of the potential connection and interest.

What hobbies do they have?
Where do they go on holiday?
What adventure do they wish they could have?
Who is there favorite author, actor, celebrity, entrepreneur?
What blogs, podcasts, substacks do they follow?
What conferences do they attend?
Where do they get their inspiration?
What are they doing on the weekend outside of kids and sleep?
Where is their true passion and interest?
How can you help them?

The next part is connecting people that you know will get on or could be valuable for them to connect with. You become the person that knows everyone, the link, the networking super connector.

I dedicate a whole chapter to talk about this in my upcoming new book Magnetic Influence.

Being a Networking Super connector is the epitome of effective networking. You bring people together and help them forge valuable and strong relationships.

Your network is one of the most powerful ways to elevate in opportunities, career and perception of life. Research shows that who you hang out with has an enormous effect on who and what you do. If all your friends go to pilates 4 times a week and take ice baths daily, it's highly likely that you will do the same habits.

Take happiness for example - your friends can make you happy or sad, if your friends are happy with their lives, you have a statistically significantly better chance of being happy also.

Remember that happiness is pretty hard to boost after a certain point, the raise doesn’t move the needle, the new car provides fleeting feelings of satisfaction - but your friends happiness and their friends happiness, well this compounds and influences your own happiness significantly. Who you hang out with matters. Infinitely.

When you feel happy with your life, you have literally won life. Make more friends. Turn every networking opportunity into a chance to make real friends.

My top tip is to give more and give willingly. I talk about this in my book The First Domino. The MAGIC framework can help you expand your network and make genuine impact. This is how to network without being fake or salesy.