Photo by Uday Mittal on Unsplash
In this article I want to address the most effective strategy for outperforming your current negotiation ability.
You Suck at Negotiation, Because Your Circle Sucks
It’s easy to think, “I am a weapon at negotiation” when in reality, you’re just the best in your circle and by best, I mean you got what you thought you wanted.
But what if I told you, you didn’t get what was on offer, you just got what you thought you could achieve?
You fall for the red herring, and you destroyed the opportunity for a long-term business partnership in the process because you were obsessed with winning the deal.
Often in negotiations there’s way more on the table than meets the yet, but it’s only the truly exceptional that unlock the full value that’s there to be created.
Most are focused on the stock standard approach, manipulate conceal, use information asymmetry to confuse, distract and leverage the other party into a deal that’s profitable for them.
Most are poor to average, if you’re doing what the masses are doing by the very definition it means you’re only achieving average results.
Look at your circle. How do they operate in business? How do they conduct themselves? If given an opportunity to rip someone off, would they take it if they could get away with it?
Are they self-focused or other focused?
This is telling, because it signals how well they can understand what the other party is thinking and help them solve problems by coming up with options for them. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes whilst tensions have the possibility of rising is a skill.
If you and your crew blow up, loose control, get angry, make threats, intimidate to win in negotiations, you’ve really lost.
The world has changed. No longer is shark type behaviour tolerated. There’s a new kid in town and the expert negotiator is not a sly fox that tricks you into deals but a collaborator thats a master of self-mastery.
You need to level up your circle, find new role models and examples of what expert negotiation looks like.
Why is this my suggestion?
EQ in Negotiation Matters
If you can’t control your emotions, you’ve already lost. You’ve lost out on the potential of what you could be, who you could be, mentally you’re already a puppet. If the other party can make you angry, throw your toys out of the pram and have a hissy fit they are controlling you, they have the power.
In negotiations, it’s the person that’s listening that has the power. If you’re talking, I have the power, you are revealing information that I can use, not against you, but to collaborate and create a better deal.
Having a high degree of emotional control is negotiations is the key. You must be able to stay in complete control, calm, stoic, unshakable in the face of anyone saying anything to provoke you. If you can be aggravated and this causes you to loose it, you’ve lost. Game over.
Your ability to be able to hear the other party and understand exactly what they are saying and where they are coming from is the ultimate strategy to new levels of negotiation success. Yet this is fully dependent on your ability to have self-mastery.
I believe this comes from your ability to have control over yourself. If you say you are going to do something, do it you must. Your ability to tackle hard things, comes from your ability to stick with hard things and not give up mentally when the going gets tough.
In deals, when the other side is heated, mouthing off, saying things that trigger you and make you want to retaliate, you must remember that there’s no benefit to your reaction. It feels like exploding on them and giving them a piece of your mind is justified, the release stimulates a dopamine hit that feels good in the moment but is disadvantageous to you in the long run. You must zoom out, being able to control the next move through your complete mastery of self is how you outperform the competition. Where they would have lost it and forfeit the deal, you are able to find a way through, create a bridge and secure the partnership by doing a deal that’s commercially beneficial for all.
The way you gain self-mastery, control of your mind, is by trusting yourself and making yourself proud. When you are proud of the work you are doing it translates to confidence in yourself. This self-assurance means you can think thoughts and feel emotions and not express them, no matter how strong, no matter how badly you want to. This is helpful in the business context because it allows you the advantage of staying completely clear headed in the business negotiation. You can think through each word you say, you place importance on language, you don’t say things you don’t mean, and you use language to your advantage.
You respect yourself and the other party. You use the words you say to build you up not tear you down.
Just because you think something does not make it a reality or fact. Just because the other party says something doesn’t mean you have to respond to it, to be provoked by it, to be beholden to that thought process.
When you win the mental game of controlling what thoughts you put into action, you are a more effective negotiator and have more flexibility.
“You cannot reach level 2 with the character that got you to level 1. Growth requires change and most people never realize there is always a higher level by design. You grow or settle. You evolve or die” — Dan Koe
Get Around Other Expert Negotiators
It is much easier to negotiate with another expert negotiator. They understand the principles and rules, therefore, to improve, put yourself around other high performing negotiators, business people and mentors.
Stop hanging around at the lower levels. Put yourself in a room with experts and demand of yourself, your commitment and your mindset that you will do the work, whatever it takes.
This is how you level up; it’s how you grow. Their expectation will increase your expectation of yourself and what you are capable of. When you’re around other negotiators that don’t lose their cool and you see how they respond and the outcomes of this process you’ll want to change, to improve, to develop this skill. Over time with consistent effort on your part it will rub off on you.
Their example helps you rise up. In turn you keep putting in the work. It doesn’t happen by accident or by knowing about it, you must be about it. Your ego reduces, is less important and has less of a leading role in your negotiations. This is a gigantic leap up, ego causes all sorts of problems in negotiation dynamics.
Your new environment and continued focus on self-mastery and emotional control changes how you think. Where you used to be looking to make a quick buck, you’re now focused on the long term potential, your reputation, your personal brand and your network. You get out of your own way.
Your network is the value. Every deal you engage in has the ability to bring you more business and new opportunities. You are a creator and you inspire creativity in your negotiation process.
This is how you become more effective in your negotiations.
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.” – Karen Lamb
Call to Action
Grab a copy of The Art of Negotiation International Bestseller in Negotiation and Influence.
If you’re looking to improve on your journey to success check out The School of Success.
